How can we expect others to respect our work boundaries when we're not even putting them into place for ourselves?

One of the most important parts of self-care, or doing anything for yourself to benefit from, is to put boundaries in place. Learning to say “no”. Learning to say, “not now”. It may be difficult if you’ve spent all your life being a “yes” person. And I guarantee that if you are a yes person, you’re likely worn out giving to everyone around you, and neglecting your own needs.

I can relate because it’s something I did for years too.

THE GOLDEN GOOSE

Are you familiar with the fairy tale about the goose that laid golden eggs? The Golden Goose in our business is ourselves. We make it all happen. If we are running on empty, this will show in our work, assuming things don’t also come to a standstill. My battle with burnout has been a difficult one, and not something I’d wish on anyone else. I’m urging you to act BEFORE it’s too late. Life becomes a lot more difficult when you reach burnout stage, almost impossible some days.

The word boundaries might sound restrictive, but they are essential to preserve ourselves. If we don’t put them in place, people continue to take from us, until there’s nothing left. Self-preservation is not selfish. You need to be able to function if you want to support those around you.

Simple things to put into place such as staying hydrated and eating the right things at the right times. Getting enough sleep. I know it sounds so boring, but these are the foundation blocks to self-care!

Ringfencing time in your diary on a daily and weekly basis, just for yourself is also the best thing you can do for yourself when you decide how to allocate your time. You may want to pick the same time each week, or keep it flexible, as long as it’s there. Make sure you book this time out in your diary and stick to it! It’s far too easy to keep putting ourselves to the bottom of the pile. Those days are over! Make yourself this promise.

I use Sunday evenings as part of my preparation for the week ahead. Some may not want to think about anything until Monday morning and that’s absolutely fine. Whatever works best for you. I try and get at least one day out a week where I’m out and about, not doing anything specific. For me this is my recharge time, and it’s just for me. It’s reasonably flexible, with no set time, but it’s there in the diary by Sunday evening at the latest.

Consider what your self-care looks like. It doesn’t have to be a fancy spa day, or getting hair and nails done. It can be something a simple as walking in the park, taking a long bath, making time for some creative hobbies, anything that helps your brain to slow down and pause.

Whatever you do, protect this time. Don’t let others encroach on this or persuade you otherwise. Stay firm, you are in sole charge of your time and energy.

BOUNDARIES WHILST WORKING FROM HOME

Part of creating a healthy work/life balance is to start building in boundaries to your daily routine. They are for yourself as well as others. Your family may not be able to distinguish between when you’re in work mode, and when you’re not. If you don’t set out clear expectations, they won’t know or understand when you’re frustrated with interruptions. If you can make this clearer for them, they are more likely to respect your time and attention. I know I get frustrated when it’s home time, and the TV goes on after a lovely quiet day working on my own. The broadband slows down, and there’s just noise in the home. It’s why I try and work around this, using the time I have during the day on my own for deep dive focus work when I need it. The work I do when everyone else is home is a lot different. It’s the kind of tasks I can undertake on autopilot, like copying text, or accounts (which I thankfully don’t need to think creatively about!).

Boundaries for working at home first have to start with ourselves. Have you got a daily routine in place? One that others can also get used to? It can become a chicken and egg scenario. You can’t get a routine in place because of the interruptions. But it’s really important to have one in place and for it to become established, so everyone knows where they’re at (including you).

If you went out to work in an office or other environment, you’d be away from home, and clearly at “work”. Your boundaries would be respected more due to the fact that you are in a specific place, ie. at work! You wouldn’t need to try and convince anyone otherwise! But working from home, its’ so much harder – even more so when friends and family don’t understand the commitment required, and the focus time needed to get the work done.

VISUAL CUES

Visual cues work well for this. Something that people can see. It’s the quickest reminder for them and you. Here are some ideas to try out:

1.      Wear a work uniform, like a specific outfit (it doesn’t have to be an actual uniform). A set or style of clothing you wear whilst working. This could be something as simple as a specific jumper or shirt.  I used to work in an editorial department and if some of the reporters were on a press deadline, they’d wear a baseball hat or similar. It was a visual warning not to disturb! They’d remove the hat after submitting their copy, letting everyone know they were open to conversation again. A simple idea but very effective.

2.      Is there a specific area in your home you can work from that represents being in work mode? Even if that’s just a corner of the room dedicated to work, or a specific chair/table if you don’t have a separate office. If so, then don’t also use this space as your down time area, it’ll become confusing for everyone, yourself included. Keep those boundaries clear for everyone.

3.      Set out your working timetable and put it up on the wall where others can see it. Colour code it for times when you don’t want to be disturbed. Depending on how old the kids are, stick a note on the door/wall with instructions on what is classed as an emergency and therefore it’s okay to interrupt if there’s a fire, or someone is choking or has stopped breathing. I have a note to put on the living room door during Facebook lives like this, and the kids are old enough to understand it. Thankfully no one has challenged it yet!

4.      What about extended family members or friends who ring for a chat or visit your house? They haven’t quite got their head round the fact that you’re working, and just see you as being at home, available and flexible for their needs. As hard as it may feel, don’t answer the door, and leave your phone in the other room for set times. Mute/switch off notifications and be super strict with yourself. Don’t make yourself available!

5.      Learn to say no. No is a complete sentence. No. No, I can’t do that for you, I don’t have capacity. No, I won’t be doing that. It doesn’t need justification, or explanation. No.

Interruptions, even small ones, can take 20 minutes of your time away, as it may take as long as that to refocus on your work. Multiply that by how many interruptions you have in a day. That’s a lot of time wasted trying to re-engage with the task at hand.

It’s a difficult one to get right and may take some time for everyone to get used to it. It comes down to the people around you respecting you and your commitment to your work. If they’re not respecting your boundaries, they need to ask themselves why they are finding it so difficult to support you in your business. If you’re not working, you’re not earning! How does this fact impact them? Might be worth asking the question. Even if it’s just to make them think about their actions and make some adjustments. These don’t have to be awkward conversations. Just keep them matter of fact and straightforward. The consequences for others continuing to trash your boundaries will hit your confidence and your finances. They need to let you do the work, and ultimately everyone will reap the benefits from you building a successful business.

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